Dibby Potter
by Red Moon Kree
Summary: PG for slight profanity. Yes, our hero Dib as everyone's beloved favorite black haired, green eyed, forehead-scarred boy... yes, a Harry Potter Parody The insanity of it all...
1. Prologue: The Accident and The Boy Who L...

**I have truly gone insane /evilly grins/. I have crossed Harry Potter into the world of Invader Zim.. Hehehehe..**  
  
**Matching character with character was extremely hard, but it was done. This story shouldn't take too long to finish.**  
  
**I do not own any of these characters but Kree. Qui and Vi belong to themselves. (oh yeah and also Qui and Vi, don't think this is the story I was talking about of putting you in. It's another one).**  
  
**Enjoy!**  
  
**Kree**  
  
**NOTE**  
  
**I've actually posted this story once before, but due to my laziness, I was pointed out of my slight plagiarizing. I took the story off Fanfiction.net and most ignored it.**  
  
**Recently, I've been looking for the right story for a parody, which has been of course, most unsuccessful. I kept thinking back to this one and my many plans for this. . . .**  
  
**So I've decided to come back and revise it greatly. So the readers who enjoyed this story before and reviewed, here ya go.**  
  
**Enjoy**  
  
**Kree**  
  
Kree turned her head to face Dib with a catlike grin stretched out upon her face, flipping her hair with her hand. They were right by the opening of the fence to Zim's house. "I heard that Zim was just updating his Irken Encyclopedia and Web today. We should go hack it." She grinned at him.  
  
"Excellent idea," he grinned back. "Can't let him know something we don't . . ."  
  
"Guess what? I've found a new way to get inside the house." Kree exclaimed.  
  
"Really? What is it?"  
  
"You brought the hover helmets your dad invented with you, right?"  
  
"Yeah, right here." He pulled them out of the black bag he was carrying.  
  
"Okay, do you see the highest window," she pointed to the window near the top. "I have concluded that there is NO security there. That way, we can get in through there, crawl on the walls with your dad's specialized gloves and boots and then make it to the lab downstairs." Kree exclaimed.  
  
"Wow, that's really simple," Dib started. "Like when GIR just leaves the door open."  
  
"So, you ready?" She grinned strapping on the hover helmet.  
  
"Ready . . .but still . . . I wish my dad could invented something else other than the hover helmet to use . . ." Dib grumbled as Kree laughed. "What? I'm serious! I'm still worried about the piggies."  
  
"Come on, let's go." Kree pushed a few buttons on the helmet and she began floating in the air. Dib too, pressed some buttons and followed her. They flew over to the window, above the lawn gnomes so they didn't come into view. They opened the window, went inside, and clung to the ceiling like a spider. They shut off the helmets and started crawling on the walls and ceiling to the table in the living room.  
  
All of a sudden, GIR came in skipping with chocolate bubble gum, humming a little tune. Dib was about to stay near the corner of the ceiling and hide but Kree pulled him back. "Hold on, I have a better idea." She whispered.  
  
She jumped off the wall and landed lightly on the ground. "Hello GIR." She smiled sweetly at him.  
  
"Hi Kree!!!!" GIR dropped the chocolate bubble on the ground and ran over to her. He hugged her and squeezed her tightly.  
  
"Hi GIR," she hugged him back. Dib chuckled to himself as he watched the brilliant and ingenious actress perform her magic. "We came to visit Zim, can you open the elevator for us?"  
  
"OKAY!!!" He shouted happily. "OPEN UP ELEVATOR!"  
  
The table went up and Kree and Dib were able to get in. 'Thank you, GIR. Now have a nice time watching the Scary Monkey Show," she said amiably as both Dib and Kree stepped into the elevator.  
  
"OKAY!!" As the elevator went down, Dib saw GIR turn on the TV and laugh to himself. Dib let out a sigh of relief. So far, everything had been going their way.  
  
Soon, the elevator landed and they stepped out. They went over to the computers and started searching for the information. They were very familiar with the Irken computer and knew how to control them very well. However, they found nothing on the computers that was very new as they opened the files on the computers and searched and scanned through them.  
  
"Do you think that Zim hasn't opened it yet and installed it?" Dib asked her.  
  
"That could be." She nodded. "Should we check the import room to see if he's gotten any disks or anything?"  
  
"Or anything more?" He grinned. "Why not? Who knows what we could find?"  
  
"Okay," she grinned back as they walked over to a door. She typed in a password on the wall and she spoke her name. Just recently, she hacked into Zim's computers and allowed their own access. They stepped in but all at once, they heard alarms and sirens going off at once.  
  
"Damn . . ." Kree muttered. "Looks like Zim installed more security here."  
  
"Let's get out of here," Dib hurried but all of a sudden, the room began to lower itself. "What the-" Dib saw everything rise above them. The floor was lowering into a large square pit. Before they knew what was happening, Kree felt a fire start behind her.  
  
"He's going to burn us in here!" She yelled and then she felt an explosion behind her. She flew towards Dib and knocked him down. The back of her trenchcoat got a bit burned. She stood up and helped Dib up. "Turn on you hover helmet!" She shouted to him. "We'll try to fly out of here!"  
  
Both of their hands typed the buttons furiously. Kree began to rise, but Dib began floating from side to side. "Crap, I got the combination wrong." He tried to type but it was hard to get it right as he went from side to side.  
  
"DIB! WATCH OUT FOR THE FIRE!" She screamed at him and lunged to get him out of the way. She held his hand and she got to the ground. "Hold on to me and turn off the helmet. I'll just get you out of here." He quickly switched the switch and wrapped his arms around her. She went up and up, but then, another explosion went off. The force separated them, sending Dib to the ground from fifteen feet unconscious . . .  
  
**No Harry Potter in this prologue yet. Next chapter. This is just the short prologue . . .**  
  
**I'll get the next chapter in shortly, maybe even today."  
  
**plz review!**  
  
**Kree** 


	2. Chapter One: The Vanishing Cage Bars

**It's too short for my liking, but oh well.**  
  
**Now for my reviewers!!**  
  
**nny777slavelabor**(yup, I don't know how to bold or italicize my this stuff, so if anyone could tell me, plz review.) I didn't know it was that funny, but I'm glad you liked it. ^.^ I think this chapter has a bit more humor and I hope you enjoy it.**  
  
**Krazi Taco Girl** Well, I updated. ^.^ I'm glad that you liked it and good luck with your own parody. =)**  
  
**Enjoy!**  
  
**Kree**  
  
Dib turned to his side and slowly opened his eyes. He heard someone yelling at him to wake up, but he still felt so tired. He looked around to face a spider. He sat up and inched away and then bumped into something hard It was wooden and had cobwebs hanging from it. He looked around. He was in a CUPBOARD?  
  
Someone rapped on the door, screaming, "UP! GET UP! NOW!"  
  
Dib was extremely confused. Where was he? Did Zim capture him? And what was with his new prison now? What was happening? And why was he in a CUPBOARD?  
  
He looked around for some clothes to dress him. He eventually found some, though he wasn't quite thrilled with them. He preferred his trenchcoat to anything. He looked in the mirror and saw a huge lightening bolt scar on his forehead. He felt it and his mouth dropped. Had the explosion caused THIS?  
  
Dib stepped out of the cupboard and faced a funny looking woman with big purple eyes. She had blonde hair on top of her green skinned head. He just stared at her.  
  
"You're FINALLY up!" She scolded him in a high pitched squeaky voice. "I want you to look after the bacon and don't you DARE let it burn or I will bring the smoke machines out. I want EVERYTHING to be perfect on my little Duddy's birthday."  
  
"Wait a minute, aren't you Zim's leader, Almighty Tallest Purple?" Dib asked. "Why are you pretending to be a WOMAN? And who is Duddy?"  
  
The Almighty Tallest Purple woman smacked him across the face. "How DARE you! What is wrong with you, boy? Honestly, I've never been more insulted in my life." She began to walk away. "Why are you pretending to be a woman . . ." She mimicked.  
  
Dib stepped in the kitchen and he could of sworn that there was a mountain on the table. There seemed to be a HUNDRED presents there, hiding the table. He became distracted and began counting them, one by one. Yes, it was pretty stupid of him to be counting presents at a time like this when he knew he should have been wondering, "where was he ."  
  
Then, a tall man with big red eyes, and a mustache. "Comb your big hair on your big head!" He yelled at him.  
  
"My hair is not big and neither is my head!" He retorted. "And you look like Zim's other leader, Almighty Tallest Red!"  
  
"What kind of nonsense are you speaking, boy?" He yelled at him.  
  
"I think he's hit his head in the middle of the night," Dib heard the high-pitched squeak from the other room. She came in with a fat looking boy. "He's brain must have been crazy."  
  
"Then again, he was always insane." The man shrugged. "But where's our breakfast? And what's burning?"  
  
"Oh .I forgot about the bacon!" Dib exclaimed nervously. The "Almighty Tallest Purple" slapped him across the face with her claws, revealing an enormous scratch across his face. "All right, all right! I'll start cooking some more!" Of course, after Dib finished cooking the bacon, they made him take out all these chips and nachos and then curly fries. Dib finished cooking the curly fries and put them on another plate. He looked at the boy and in realization he said, "hey, you're Billy Slunchy! Aren't you Mongo's brother?"  
  
The two Tallests look alikes just looked at each other. "Maybe we should really get him to a doctor," she suggested.  
  
"And waste money on him? When we could be buying snacks? No way!"  
  
Dib watched as they boy counted his presents. Finally, he finished at "101". They boy looked at his parents. "One hundred and one." He started. "That's FOURTEEN LESS THAN LAST YEAR!"  
  
"Uh er . . . . sweetums, we have five in the closet right now! Hold on, let me get them." The purple eyed woman ran out and brought some more. "Here!" "All right, One hundred and six . . ." And then he began bursting out into tears.  
  
"Oh, Dudley, we'll get you TEN more presents when we go shopping, how about that?"  
  
"He's a spoiled brat!" Dib thought to himself. "And now I know they call him "Dudley" . . ."  
  
"And then I'll have . . ."  
  
"A MILLION!" She squeaked.  
  
"Yay!!!!" He ran around with joy.  
  
"What kind of math is that?" Dib shouted. "He'll have one hundred and sixteen!" They all glared at him. "Yeah, okay," he weakly smiled. "A million . . ."  
  
The telephone rang and the woman answered it. "Dursley Residence, Petunia speaking." She began talking and talking and then she finally hung up. "Vernon, we have some terrible news," she started. "Mrs. Prune has broken her leg and she baby sit Dib. What should we do?"  
  
Apparently, Dib figured out their names now. They couldn't be his parents, so they were probably his aunt and uncle.  
  
"Let's call my sister Mirge," Uncle Vernon suggested.  
  
"She hates him though . . .Remember what she did last time? She made us tie him to the telephone pole outside because she couldn't stand breathing the same air as she."  
  
"Oh .yeah.What about your friends, um what was it . . . Yvette? Yvonne?"  
  
"She's dead. You killed her with you lasers, REMEMBER?"  
  
"Oh yeah . . . "  
  
"Why don't I just stay here?" Dib asked. "I can stay by myself."  
  
"You'll just blow up the house!" Uncle Vernon yelled. "With doom and doom and doom . . ."  
  
"Then I can just walk around town or the neighborhood or something." He shrugged.  
  
"And have you RELEASING HAVOC TO THE TOWN! Hey, that's not a bad idea . . ." But Aunt Petunia stomped on his foot. "Of course not . . . what was I thinking . . ."  
  
"We could take him to the zoo and just leave him in the vootrunner, I mean car."  
  
"He will NOT stay in MY CAR!" Uncle Vernon exclaimed.  
  
Dudley began to wail again and it nearly killed Dib's ears. He tried his hardest not to put his hands over his ears. "I DON'T WANT HIM TO COME!" He screamed. "HE ALWAYS SPOILS EVERYTHING! STUPID BIG HEADED COUSIN!"  
  
But all of a sudden, before Dib has the chance to yell back that his head was /not/ big, the doorbell rang and Dudley stopped crying. He skipped to the door and answered it and Piers Polkiss, his best friend came in. He looked more like Mongo Slunchy, but Dib shut up. Maybe this was all some crazy dream that he was going to wake up to so might as well not waste his energy.  
  
He ended up going to the zoo in Uncle Vernon's RED car. Though they all thought about tying him to the top of the roof, they had to stick him in the back seat with Piers and Dudley because they would probably get pulled over. Dudley and Piers were making a big deal about him never going to a zoo in his life, which was untrue because he had many times and seen many animals in his lifetime because of some of his father's experiments, but he hated zoos anyway. No paranormal activity. They finally made it and Uncle Vernon pulled Dib over aside.  
  
"Don't you DARE do anything insane!" He whispered to him.  
  
"But I won't-" But they just dragged him throughout the zoo. They went to the Reptile Zoo, the Mammal Zoo, the Aquarium and everywhere else to bore the heck out of Dib. They finally dragged him over to "Funny Animals Found in Funny Places". Dib found himself staring face to face with a tiny moose sleeping in a medium sized cage. It looked a lot like Mini Moose.  
  
"What is it?" Dudley nagged at Uncle Vernon.  
  
"Tiny moose found in France," Uncle Vernon read as he stroked his mustache.  
  
"Get it to do something!" Dudley whined. Uncle Vernon tried to reach inside the cage to tap it but his claws didn't reach. "This is BORING! Stupid moose! I bet it's stupid! I'm going somewhere else."  
  
Dib faced the moose. "At least your lucky you don't have to spend the whole day with them." All of a sudden, it opened its eyes and looked at Dib. Dib was shocked to see that it was looking right at him. "Oh, you're awake," but as Dib spoke, it looked confused. "Oh yeah, you're French." He thought to himself. "Bon jour, Mini Orignaux."  
  
It squeaked something, but it sounded as if it was saying ,"bon jour".  
  
"Comment allez vous?" Dib spoke again, thinking himself quite crazy for talking to a moose.  
  
The moose began to stand up and skip around, almost gleefully when Piers came over and yelled, "DUDLEY! MR. DURSELY! LOOK WHAT THE MOOSE IS DOING!" Dudley came over and knocked Dib to the ground and stepped right over him. Dib rubbed his ribs, right where he had elbowed him and just glared at Dudley and Piers.  
  
It happened very quickly. In that next moment, all Dib wanted was for that cage to disappear and Dudley and Piers to both be in it. He pictured it crudely, with them stuffed in that tiny little cage. Before he could realize what was happening, he saw the moose skipping out snapping at anyone who got too close and run for the door. "Merci, ami." It grinned at him and ran out the door. He glanced at the cage, that had vanished and then all of a sudden, he saw it reappear trapping and squishing Dudley and Piers together in the cage.  
  
Dib sniggered to himself, but not for long. Piers told Mr. Dursley about Dib talking to the moose. They left for home immediately and they sent Dib to his cupboard with no meals.  
  
Dib sat in the corner and thought to himself. Why was this happening? He wasn't supposed to be here with these crazy and cruel people. Even at home, things were better! He was supposed to be with Kree, sneaking around Zim's house trying to discover the secrets and knowledge of Irk .okay, maybe he wasn't really supposed to be breaking in someone's house and entering, but what else could he do in order to save the world?  
  
But still, this was ridiculous. Sure, he's withstood mistreatment and abuse, but this? This was just plain cruel. He didn't get much attention from his own father at home, but the attention he got here was horrible. Didn't these people like him at all? How, in all places, did he end up here?  
  
When would he wake up from this dream? He missed Kree terribly and wanted to go back home. Would he see anyone every again?  
  
**Um, let's see . . . Sixteen more chapters to go!**  
  
**plz review!!**  
  
**Kree** 


	3. Chapter Two: The Letters From Someone

**Wow, I could get this story done really quickly . . . But I'm still STRUGGLING to make the chapters longer.**  
  
**Hopefully, I'll make this longer.**  
  
**Here, we go, DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of these characters except for Kree. Not the Harry Potter or Invader Zim characters. Dudley's uniform is also JK Rowling's, not mine.**  
  
**Krazi Taco Girl: I'm glad you liked it. ^.^ Well I'll keep you in suspense on who the rest of the characters and cast of Invader Zim will play, and /especially/ Zim. All I can say about him is "things are not always what they seem".and so are motives. And here's your second moment of fame and I hope you enjoy this chapter.**  
  
**Maran Zelde: Thanks for reviewing! You're right about Kree being Hermione, but like Krazi Taco Girl, I'll have to keep you in suspense. I hope this one is as funny and enjoyable as the last chapter for you.**  
  
**And yes, I have a request to anyone who may be reading this: please recommend this story to other readers if you liked it, so more people are able to read this piece of insanity. . . **  
  
**Enjoy!**  
  
**Kree**  
  
Dib had never been punished at home in his life. Maybe his sister might torture and torment him, but his father never had time for him and his mother died too early. Ms. Bitters punished him, but never at home had he experienced a REAL punishment. Now, he was grounded for a month and he had to stay in the cupboard for all his free time, when he was eating, but not when he had to go to the bathroom and go to school.  
  
By the time that was over, summer vacation had begun. Dudley's friends came every day to pick on him and chase him around the house with the stashed smoke machines in the upstairs closet. Dib spent as much of his time outside the house and walked around the town.  
  
Everyday he spent more with the Dursleys, the less and less it seemed as if this was a dream and if he ever was gonna wake up. He began to think differently now. Maybe this was some kind of different dimension or different world. Or maybe, it was all an illusion. Or maybe, he had gone insane.  
  
He gulped at the next thought: Maybe he was already dead. Maybe this was the next part of life and he was trapped here forever.  
  
He sat on a bench and looked around this new town. He missed his old town and home incredulously, the place where he had lived all his life. He saw two kids running down the street together, laughing. He wondered what Kree was doing right now. He missed her, he missed Gaz, and he even missed his dad. Heck, he even missed Zim.  
  
He learned that here, his last name was "Potter". He learned when he asked the Dursleys what happened to his parents, they would yell and scold him and bring out their lasers and smoke machines. He learned that even though Dudley was a big, fat, idiotic, kid, he had a favorite sport: Dibby Hunting. He found out that he was TEN years old, instead of eleven. He also learned that wherever he went, he was an outcast. No matter where he went, when he went, people would cast him out so he had a miserable time a Stonewall Elementary just as he did at his own skool before Kree.  
  
He sighed as he stood up and started walking 'home". He trudged down slowly, with his head looking down.  
  
It was July now, and Aunt Petunia took Dudley to London and they bought him a Smellings uniform, his uniform to school. When Dib heard the name of the school, he burst into laughter but that Aunt Petunia gave him a quick slap with her claws. But looking at Dudley produced a much harder feat to hold back the laugh.  
  
There was Dudley prancing and skipping around the living room with his maroon tailcoats, orange kinickerbockers, flat straw hats called boaters, and a yellow colored shirt that said "SMELL". They also had knobbly sticks to hit each with when the adults weren't looking.  
  
The next day. Dib saw Aunt Petunia with a metal in the sink. There was a disgusting smell coming from it and there seemed to be dirty rags swimming in gray water.  
  
"What's that?" He asked. He wondered if she would penalize him for asking a question like that.  
  
"Your new school uniform, unfortunately, I wasn't allowed to die it purple, but these days, the schools want ugly colors and NEVER USE PURPLE!" [Port Jeff!!!! Woohooo! Purple and White!]  
  
Dib groaned as he walked to the table and took a seat. He couldn't imagine wearing something like THAT . . .  
  
Dudley and Uncle Vernon came in and sat down too. Then they heard the click of the mail slot open and the floppy sound of the mail drop on the doormat.  
  
"Get the mail, Dudley!" Uncle Vernon ordered.  
  
"NO!!!! WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME SO MANY HARD QUESTIONS! WAHHHHH!!!!" And Dudley ran out crying and yelling.  
  
"Dib, get the mail, your cousin is too emotionally hurt to do anything."  
  
"Dudley has two legs, he can get it." Dib retorted.  
  
"HE'S EMOTIONALLY HURT!"  
  
"NO DUH! HE ALWAYS IS!"  
  
"DUDLEY! GET HERE NOW!" Uncle Vernon screamed and Dudley came trudging to the kitchen. "Use the POKE OF DOOM with your Smelling stick, Dudley."  
  
Dib quickly jumped to dodge the stick and slowly trudged to wear the mail had been dropped. "I wonder if they're subscribed to UFO USA." He thought to himself. He picked up the letters and started scanning through them. One of them was a postcard from Uncle Vernon's sister, Mirge, and there were a few bills, Uncle Vernon's snack magazine, and than he picked up-a letter for him.  
  
He stared at it with a jaw dropped. Who could be writing to him? Nobody knew him here and he didn't seem to have any friends here. Did somebody else know he was here? Was he finally saved?  
  
The envelope was thick and heavy and made of yellowish kind of parchment. There was no stamps and the address to the house was in emerald green pen. The Address looked liked this:  
  
Mr. D. Potter  
  
The Cupboard under the Stairs  
  
4 Piggey Drive  
  
Little Rignging  
  
Surrender  
  
There was a coat of arms for the seal. It was bearing a coat of arms with a fox, rabbit, squirrel, and a rat surrounding the letter "P".  
  
"HURRY UP!! I WANT TO SEE IF MY SNACKS MAGAZINE CAME IN THE MAIL YET!" Uncle Vernon yelled from the kitchen.  
  
Dib walked back to the kitchen, handing Uncle Vernon his mail and he sat down. He began to open the letter. As Uncle Vernon began reading his snack magazine, Dudley asked,  
  
"Dad, why is my face a peach color?"  
  
"Because you were born that disgusting way!"  
  
"Then how come your face is green? Why isn't my face green? Mom's face is green!"  
  
"I don't know why you're skin is peach!!!!! It's your mother's fault! Now shaddup!"  
  
"DAD! Dib's got something!" Dudley wailed.  
  
"Don't bother me!!! I'm reading!!!!" Uncle Vernon shouted.  
  
"But he's got something!!"  
  
"Fine! I'll bother myself for your pathetic complaints!" Uncle Vernon sneered. He tore the letter from Dib's hands and opened it. As he read it, his green face turned a weird shade of purple. [Purple: HEY!!!!! PURPLE IS NOT A WEIRD COLOR!!!] "P-Petunia!"  
  
Aunt Petunia rushed to his side and squeaked. "Vernon! Oh my goodness!"  
  
"Give me my letter!!" Dib yelled as he tackled Uncle Vernon to the floor. "IT'S MINE! IT HAS MY NAME, MY ADDRESS, AND IT'S MINE!"  
  
Aunt Petunia dug her claws into Dib's skin so he got off Uncle Vernon. "OUT!" Uncle Vernon yelled as he panted. He and Dudley did go out, but they still decided to spy on them. Dib was already used to spying on Zim, so this wasn't that hard . . .  
  
"Vernon," Aunt Petunia screeches. "LOOK AT THE ADDRESS! HOW DO THEY KNOW WHERE HE SLEEPS??? THEY'RE SPYING ON US! SPYING!!!" She waved her hands into the air wildly. "WHAT SHOULD WE DO?"  
  
"We'll just ignore it! And I'll set up a security system! We won't have one in this house! Didn't we swear when we took him in we'd stamp out that dangerous nonsense?"  
  
Later on in the evening, Uncle Vernon went to the cupboard where Dib was in. "Where is my letter? I want to read it! What have you done with it?" He demanded furiously.  
  
"It wasn't yours. It was addressed to you by mistake so I burned it with my lasers."  
  
"IT WASN'T A MISTAKE! THEY ADDRESSED MY CUBOARD ON IT!!!"  
  
"SILENCE!!!!! OR I WILL BRING MY LASERS UPON YOU!" Uncle Vernon yelled and held his professional posture. "Anyway, your aunt and I have been thinking about your cupboard, and we think you're a bit too big for it. After all, your head IS big . . ."  
  
"MYHEAD IS NOT BIG!"  
  
"SILENCE! We want you to move into Dudley's second bedroom."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"SHADDUP! Now go!!"  
  
Dib trudged up the stairs, a bit confused, but he did feel almost relieved. He had begun to forget how it felt like to be sleeping in a normal room, even if it was the smallest one in the house. Dib did hear Dudley's whining and complaining all night though, since it was where Dudley kept all his stuff as well. "I DON'T WANT HIM IN THERE! I DON'T!!!!! IT'S MY BEDROOM! GET HIM OUT OF THERE!" And he began to cry and cry.  
  
The next day at breakfast, Dudley continued his bawling and his temper tantrums and somehow gotten hold of Uncle Vernon's lasers. First, he made an awful mess shooting them around the house. He screamed, whacked Uncle Vernon with his Smellings stick, threw up on purpose, took Uncle Vernon's lasers and burned a squirrel, kicked Aunt Petunia, and he still didn't have his room back. When the mail arrived, Uncle Vernon made Dudley get it, trying to get Dudley out of the room for once.  
  
But Dudley yelled from the hallway, "look! There's another one! "Mr. D. Potter, The Smallest Bedroom, 4 Piggy Drive-"  
  
Uncle Vernon leapt from the kitchen and ran into the hallway with Dib running right behind him. Dib eventually got him front of him since he was smaller but Uncle Vernon held him back. He and Dib fought over the letter for awhile, but Uncle Vernon unfortunately did win.  
  
"GO TO YOUR BEDROOMS! Uncle Vernon yelled.  
  
Dib disappointedly walked to the bedroom, but a plan flashed before his eyes. It was perfect, and it was all so simple . . .  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Dib woke up to an alarm clock at 6:00in the morning, turned the alarm off, dressed quickly, and tiptoed down the stairs. He always wished that he would look in his dresser, and there it would be: his blue happy noodle boy shirt and his black pants. Then he would see his black boots on the side of his bed and he would run to the closet and see his own beloved trenchcoat. But of course, that was just a dream, and a forgotten one at that. He couldn't wake the Dursleys. He was going to wait for the postman on the corner of Piggy Drive and get the letters for number four first. He would run to the park and read the letters there. His heart thumped and thumped as he silently tiptoed down the dark hall to the front door and-  
  
"AHHNHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! WHO'S THERE??????" Uncle Vernon yelled.  
  
Dib was startled to see Uncle Vernon laying down there in a sleeping bag in front of the door. He began to shout at him and lecture him, and yell at him, and shout at him some more until he heard a strange noise out the door.  
  
"AGH!" A voice was heard outside with a buzzing noise.  
  
"Um, what was that?" Dib asked.  
  
"That was my new security system." Uncle Vernon replied. He opened the doors and in front of them, they saw a pile of ashes with a mail bag next to it. Smoke rose from the ashes. "Ah, lasers are so efficient these days . . ."  
  
Dib stared at him. "YOU FRIED THE MAILMAN?"  
  
"Yeah? So?" Uncle Vernon smirked as he collected the mail bag and found the three letters that were addressed to Dib. He burned them with the lasers and went inside.  
  
So for the rest of the week, numerous letters were making there way to the Piggy Drive. Uncle Vernon had to eventually shut off the security system because there were too many frequent complaints about missing postmen because it was looking a /bit/ suspicious. Finally, it was Sunday.  
  
"Do you know why I just love Sundays?" Uncle Vernon asked gleefully at breakfast.  
  
"No post?" Dib grumbled.  
  
"EXACTLY!" He smirked. "HA! TOO BAD, DIB, NO CHANCE FOR YOU TO GET ONE TODAY!"  
  
But of course, Uncle Vernon spoke too soon. A strange wooshing sound was heard coming down from the kitchen chimney. Everyone looked to the chimney as thirty or forty letters came pelting out of the fire place like LASER BEAMS. As all the Dursleys ducked, Dib jumped up trying to catch one.  
  
"OUT!" Uncle Vernon yelled as he seized Dib around the waist and threw him into the hall. Everyone ran out of the room as Uncle Vernon slammed the door, because an angry Almighty Tallest Red, is not a safe one. "EVERYONE PACK SOME CLOTHES! WE'RE GOING AWAY!"  
  
Everyone made no arguments and they were in the car in ten minutes. Dudley was crying and screaming in the back seat because his father hit him round the head when he tried to pack his TV, computer, and DVD player in his sports bag.  
  
"WHY CAN'T WE JUST FRY THE BOY WITH LASERS?" Uncle Vernon shouted.  
  
They drove and drove for a long time. They finally stopped halfway across the country at a hotel and they stayed there for the night. The next morning, after they had just finished breakfast downstairs, the owner of the hotel came over to them.  
  
"Excuse, me, but who's Mr. D Potter? I've got thousands of these here at the front desk. You can come pick them up if you'd like."  
  
She held up a letter that was addressed,  
  
Mr. D. Potter  
  
Room 1767  
  
Vootview Hotel  
  
Poopworth  
  
Dib tried to grab the letter, but Uncle Vernon took it. "I'll take them."  
  
They left the hotel later on and drove to the coast. Uncle Vernon parked the car, locked them inside, and disappeared as it began to rain.  
  
Dudley began to rain tears as well. "It's Monday," he told his mother. "The Bloaty's Pizza Hog commercials are on tonight. I want to stay somewhere with a television! I WANT TO PLAY MY COMPUTER!!!"  
  
Dib suddenly realized something: If it was Monday, it was July 29th. After being in school for so long and seeing many forms, he found out that his birthday wasn't in the winter like it was at his real home, but it was on July 30th. He would finally be eleven again, but he doubted that the Durselys would actually care anyway.  
  
Uncle Vernon came back with a big grin on his face and a package in his hands. "I found it! I found the perfect place that those ruddy letters won't ever find us!! Come on out, everyone!" He motioned as everyone got out of the car. Uncle Vernon pointed to what looked like a large rock way out at sea and on top of it was the most ugly and dirty little shack that Dib ever set eyes on. And one thing was for sure, there was no television . .  
  
. . "Horrible weather tonight, just horrible!" Uncle Vernon exclaimed quite happily. "We're going to across with this gentleman," he pointed to a toothless man beside them.  
  
They rowed across the water, which was icy cold as it splashed and soaked them all. It felt like hours before they reached the rock, but they did. They quickly went inside, relieved to get out of the boat, but the cabin smelled horrible. There were only two rooms and the fireplace was damp and empty. The food turned out to be four bags of nacho chips and four bananas.  
  
Dib tried to fall asleep quickly in the nasty surroundings but it was hard to with the smell, Dudley's snores, and the thunder outside. He was also incredulously hungry. He watched Dudley's watched as it ticked closer and closer to his birthday.  
  
Five minutes to go, and he heard something creaked outside. Wonder what everyone was doing, back at home? Four minutes. . . . Did Kree miss him? Did Gaz?. . . . Three minutes to go, was that the sea, slapping hard on the rock like that? Two minutes to go, what was the funny crunching noise?  
  
One minute to go . . . .Thirty seconds . . . . fifteen . . . .ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two one . . .  
  
BANG!  
  
The who shack seemed to tremble as Dib bolted upright like lightening. Someone was outside, knocking to come in.  
  
**Finally, I'm done . . . .**  
  
**plz review!**  
  
**Kree** 


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